There are days where you think that nothing could be worse. That's exactly how I felt that Monday morning. Everything was falling apart. Deadlines piling up on me, people pressuring and counting on me to do things wherever I went, countless bullet points on my to-do list and so little time. In class, I felt like it was harder for me to wrap my head around the new topics we were going to be tested on since all my brain wanted to do was get back the sleep I had lost the night before. And this didn't only stress me out even more but it added one more thing to my agenda: put in extra time to understand what was taught in class. It becomes a constant cycle. I felt like I was doing so much but I just wasn't doing anything right at all. I couldn't afford to give my 100% effort into one thing because that would mean taking too much time away from the next. So it was the constant battle of not putting in my best effort, or draining myself out working until the last hours of the night to finish things up last minute and waking up the next day only to face the same thing. The same thing you ask? Yes exactly, the same thing. It's usually alright to have that one week where things usually don't go the right way, but eventually you start noticing something is really wrong when days go by and there is no decrease in your stress level whatsoever. And this week was the week when I noticed everything was breaking down. Not only was I having a terrible time with chemical equations, but my laptop kept glitching whenever I tried to import media for a video (which was already overdue!), people were quitting on their club responsibilities the night before and leaving it up to me solve the problem, the Deep Dive project to work on, IA project presentation coming up fast, to top that off deadlines, tests and more homework! I feel like the pressure was so big and my concern for my health so small that that same night I fell sick; making me miss school for two of the days which were supposed to be the most productive days of the week. But no, what did I do instead? I had to waste the entire day in bed not even able to look at a computer screen because dizziness would take over. I was falling behind on my already late and tight schedule. And honestly I must say I'm still currently trapped in the midst of this breakdown since it's Wednesday night and here I am writing this blog post at 2:30 am as soon as I know my body is physically able to sit in front of a computer since it's due tomorrow. And well, so far I feel like all I've done is complain about my current situation which doesn't really make a good blog post, yet I think forcing it to end on a positive note would not only take the meaning away from this post and not be what I actually feel at the moment, but I also wouldn't have anything to write about since nothing good has happened up until now. So let me just tell you this: it's ok to not be ok. I noticed by writing this that not everyone has to be perfect all the time. I didn't think I would ever say, this but if you simply aren't feeling motivated, positive, and happy it's probably because you have a pretty good reason not to. Everyone has moments where things are going downhill and if you don't feel like smiling through that you have the absolute right not to. "If you're going through hell, keep going." You may not be smiling as you go, but always keep going. And I hope writing this blog post in order to try and catch up with my two days of sickness, helps me as I go through just a bit quicker.
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You usually don't think that any form of deep thought could come while writing a book summary for Spanish class, yet as soon as I finished writing the words "Nadia and Alexander were forced to say goodbye forever" the word forever lingered in my mind.
We never usually think of forever when we say goodbye to someone. Then again, most of the time we honestly don't even have the most remote idea of when we will actually be saying goodbye to someone for the last time in our lives. Unless you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of sitting on the edge of your grandfather's deathbed as he says his last words to you, we always assume we will be seeing someone again. We will say that we'll visit each other, that of course we will enroll into the summer camp next year, or say how there's no doubt you will meet again. Yet we never think of the fact that there is always a chance that we will not see each other again ever in our lives until we die. We don't think about the "what if things change?" We don't think that we might grow apart and not consider each other friends anymore. When you say goodbye to someone you don't think about the possibility that in the future you might not feel the need to see them anymore. You don't think about how you might not care as much as to visit or ever call each other again. If you were to know that it's the final goodbye though, how would it be different? What would you do? How would we be saying goodbye if we had the power to know with total clarity when the last time we'll see someone again in our entire lives actually is? You might remember that kid who sat next to you in that science class last year. You say goodbye to him after class and for some reason he has to move away. Yet it doesn't really come to your mind that you could have just lived the last moment you will ever spend with him after saying goodbye that one class. You might think "Of course I'll see him again someday, he will visit or I might run into him somewhere; it's a small world." But the world isn't as small as you think, and he might not visit again. What would you have said to him if you knew you would never see him again in your life? Would you have spent more time with him? Every day you are surrounded by people, and chances are you won't get to say a proper to any of them, unless you are the grandfather in the deathbed saying the final goodbye to his son. I'm not saying to say goodbye every time like it's the last, but rather be thankful of every moment you spend with people. If you think they have nice eyes, tell them. If you find them funny or kind, spend more time with them. Tell them everything you would say that moment if you had the power to know that you will not see them again. Be thankful for who you meet throughout your life. Friend or acquaintance they are part of your life. Whether they wrote a whole chapter or just a few words be glad they were there. Everyone knows the common saying "Hard work pays off. Work hard and you will get what you want. Just do it!"
This vision has long been seen as the ideal mindset for anything that you have to accomplish in life regarding work. Therefore, the opposite of this vision has unfortunately become looked down upon with disrespectfulness. If you are not putting in your one hundred percent effort constantly you might seem as uninterested, lazy, and feel like you aren’t trying hard enough. But not doing everything 100% perfectly because you can't doesn't mean you don't care; it doesn't mean it's still not good. On the other hand it's wise because sometimes your body and mind can't have too much going on in order to work properly. Too much stress is not good either. But not I'm not stating that working hard is wrong,or defending the lack of hard work, since of course it's extremely important to work hard in order to achieve! Yet what I'm targeting isn't the essence of work itself but rather its excessive presence in a person's life. Everyone has a limit. No one is superman no one is invincible. Everyone can have too much pressure at one point and it's good to target it, tone things down and calm down a bit before you find yourself in too much of a tough situation. Even the best athletes, CEOs of important companies, entrepreneurs, and successful people in any field know their limit and when it's smart to continue working or when they need to reevaluate their agenda in order to not wear themselves out. But when do you know when to stop? You need to know when you have reached the limit. The moment where you know that if you continue even if you want to it won't be good for you and might even cause you harm and prevent you from working later on. its good to try hard and your your best but only until a certain extent. You can't let people topple you over or things to get out of hand. You have limits. Your body has limits and your mind has limits too. You must know when its wise to stop and listen to your body. Stay alert; when you realize when the pressure is too big, taking a break or easing things down a bit doesn't mean you care less, its smart. You must know when its wise to stop or slow down or stop putting more work on yourself and concentrate on always working on the limit. |